Why a Slow Path Is the Authentic Path I Prefer

I wake up quite early, spiritually, during my early twenties.

I know many people wake up early during their youth, financially, which leads most of them to the financial fruits they harvest around middle age (if not much earlier). For some, they might wake up spiritually and discover their inner world around middle age; sometimes such a shifting moment arrives after they feel disappointed with the outside world.

If you are spiritually aware of what life is, you naturally tend to slow down at critical points, think a bit more, and ask “whys” because you view life holistically. With that view, you still have a goal or a dream to realize, but your choice might not be straightforward or on a fast track.

For me, I have never lived in a life without being mindful after my spiritual awakening in my early twenties, which means a slow path has always been my “signature lifestyle.” 

*

Being a relatively new immigrant to Australia, I can still remember my days as an international student landing in Adelaide, Australia. People have many assumptions about “international students,” especially if you are from China. These assumptions can be summarized as follows:

· You must be rich;

· You are not creative;

· You are keen to marry a Caucasian man (a “White” man) to get a Green Card;

· You want to marry a Caucasian man at least 30 years older than you…· 

…

Back then, when I walked on the streets of Adelaide, I sometimes bumped into Caucasian men who came to talk to me. One time, an Aussie man (Australian man) stopped me and asked,

“Are you single?”

His frankness surprised me a bit, then we had a brief chat on the street.

Later, I “interviewed” him at a local cafe. He is an honest young man. When I asked why Aussie men want to choose Asian women, he listed a few reasons:

“…Asian women are loyal to family; they look younger…”

When I got home, a Vietnamese boy, my then housemate, debunked such a claim that Asian women are inherently loyal to family during our chat. The Vietnamese boy responded,

“I don’t think they are loyal to family; I think they are merely dependent…”

Does he identify a missing piece of the puzzle?

From time to time, I also heard how my Australian acquaintances describe their Asian wives or Asian partners — “oh, my wife is low maintenance,” “oh, Asian girl is cheap.”, etc.

So, when the western manufacturing industries aim at outsourcing jobs to Asian countries for “low wages”, does that also include outsourcing “domestic affairs” to Asian countries?

While I was still in China, one of my senior female friends told me, “Women have fewer opportunities than men in this society, and the way men treat women is not as tolerant as the way women treat men.” Back then, I was still “too young and too naive”, but my friend’s comments embedded in my mind.

Indeed, opportunities are always as valuable as gold, in both a society like China that is traditionally male-dominated and a much more open country like Australia. After coming to Australia, I have seen something refreshing — it seems many women are thriving here and moving up the ladder of power. However, the majority of them are still Caucasian women. At least, it is Simone de Beauvoir that wrote The Second Sex.

Now, let me return to my puzzle: when there are so many attractive, smart, and independent Caucasian women out there, why do those Caucasian men choose Asian women?

“Exotic attractiveness” could be an apparent factor — experiencing something different is always invaluable; but deeply, I can think of one word for most cases — control.

Isn’t it part of the reason that the strong Western women are not easily controlled by Western men, leading some to turn to Asian women? After all, unlike their Western counterparts who have been influenced by feminism, many Asian women are still vulnerable to being controlled, or at least, such marriages are prone to make Western men feel superior.

During my days as an international student, I had a female classmate who married an Aussie man. She is from Asia. One day, she told me her recent argument with her husband. Not long after he received a raise, he went home asking my ex-classmate if she would like to “share him with another woman”. After getting a slap from her and the question “why did you marry me then”, he replied,

“Because I wanted to save you from a developing country.”

*

International marriage is as complicated as international trade. While tariffs are the barriers in international trade, our self-esteem can also become the price of international marriage. After all, there is no free lunch in this world. Sometimes, the easier a road seems, the higher the hidden price may be.

Later, I told my mom that I would not choose to obtain my PR through marriage. Instead, I decided to focus on my career as an artist / designer to pave my own way.

Certainly, every decision comes with a marked price. For this decision, I still owe debts to our family friends, relatives, and my friends. Everyone knows that marriage is a shortcut to obtaining your PR. Paving your own way, typically means you have to spend more money and time.

It took me 10 years to receive my Australian PR. It’s a slow path. I know some Asian girls obtain their PR within a couple of months through marriage.

Many choices are not about right or wrong; they just come down to our personal favor. For me, I’m still on the journey to build my financial freedom. Dignity is something priceless that I have safeguarded along the way.

For those Asian girls’ choices, I hope they marry their true love, one they will not regret, and feel happy with that choice. Deep down, I believe most women want to love and to be loved.

There is a Japanese philosophy expressed by manga artist Hirohiko Araki in his famous series JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure — “the farthest road is the shortcut.” To elaborate on this idea, JOJO said something like, “if you only focus on the ‘result’, you will most likely choose the shortcut (after “calculation”), but by doing so, you might miss out on experiencing authenticity. “ JOJO believes that the most important thing is your personal will towards authenticity.

Fast lane, easy road, are indeed very tempting ways to achieve our goals because life is short. But I also believe, these short-cuts cannot help us become authentic human beings, as they lack the power to build our character.

Pursuing authenticity is tough and challenging, but such a journey is precious. Our growth through authenticity, and our passion along this way, empower us to live for ourselves, to be “alive” in this sometime lifeless modern world full of “transactions”.

*